Caught in the Middle
by Alphie
Summary: Set in my Being Jason White Shadowverse AU. Clark and Lois deal with the changes life tosses at them as well as their changing relationship.
1. Shattered Limbo

_AN: Yeah, yeah, so I said I didn't know if I would ever write anything more and yet here I am again. I just have these few little moments that keep playing in my mind that won't go away. I don't write much from Clark's PoV and he's been complaining at me about it. So I figured I'd toss this out there and see if anyone is still readying Supes fan fic that ISN'T Smallville! LOL!_

_This is set in my own AU. If you haven't read anything else from me, you might be a little confused. Lois married Richard and Jason didn't find out Superman was his father until he was about 11. They had a really rough relationship. Jason is now 25 years old, married, and has a young son. Clark told Lois the truth about his identity a few years ago and she has been angry at him ever since. _

_This isn't beta read at all. It's just me testing the waters to see if anyone is interested in the story. If you'd like to be my beta, I'm open to the help. Just let me know if you want me to keep going. _

**Shattered Limbo**

"Morning Mr. Clark!"

"Morning, Jimmy."

Two things I can always count on when I arrive at work in the morning are that the first person to greet me will be Jimmy Oleson and that he will call me "Mr. Clark."

"Hot day today, huh?"

I smiled at him, "Sure is."

"Mid July is always a real scorcher in the city, but this summer takes the cake!"

"I can't disagree with you on that," I replied, pulling my lap top out and flipping it open on my desk. "What are the top stories everyone's working on this morning?"

"Well, Lois is still pressing Gregory Baldacci for an interview about the gambling ring that was busted two weeks ago. Looks like she might land it today."

I took in that information and tried not to show my displeasure. Leave it to Lois to go after the number two mob boss in the city a few weeks after the number one mob boss landed in jail. It made me nervous, but there was no stopping Lois once she had her mind set on something. I knew that fact very well.

Unaware of my discontent, Jimmy said, "And Mr. Lombard is all caught up in the scandal the Monarchs are facing over steroid use."

I nodded at him, but my eyes searched the bullpen for Lois. And came up short.

"Kent!"

Jimmy nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Richard's voice calling to me. "That's you."

"Can I talk to you in my office for a sec?" Richard asked, that touch of perpetual annoyance seeping though into every word.

"Whoa," Jimmy made a worried face. "What did you do?"

"I have no idea."

It was common knowledge around the paper that Richard and I didn't get along very well. There were rumors on top of rumors about the private fight Lois and I had several years ago. Everyone knew that it had happened, but no one knew the details. No one knew she was angry at me for waiting nearly twenty years to tell her I was Superman. No one, that is, except Richard White.

Thus, the staff of The Daily Planet came to accept that Lois and I weren't on good terms. Furthermore, since Richard was her husband, I wasn't on good terms with him either. That didn't faze me much because Richard and I had never technically been on good terms. At least as far as Superman went. Richard had once been companionable with _Clark_, but never with Superman. Two men in love with the same woman while trying to be a father to the same son just didn't work out no matter how you tried to sliced it. Once he knew the truth about my identity, it took less than a millisecond for Richard to apply any loathing he felt for Superman towards Clark.

In a way it was a relief. It meant I no longer had to pretend that I enjoyed his company. I could respect his ability as a reporter… and to be completely honest, I never doubted that he loved Lois and Jason and would never hurt them. Still, that didn't mean I had to like the man for having everything I wanted. He'd sometimes try to strike up conversations in the break room over coffee. I would always be forced to grin and bear it out of necessity. After all, Clark Kent had no reason to dislike the head of the international division. Once Richard knew my alternate identity all those friendly attempts stopped cold and were replaced with any and all forms of verbal degradation.

I headed into Richard's office ready for whatever onslaught he had to toss in my direction. He had his back to me when I entered.

"Close the door, will you?" he said, rubbing his neck.

I obliged. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I just have a headache," he replied.

He'd misunderstood me. "I meant, is there something wrong with the world or with Jason or with something else?"

He turned to look at me then, confusion on his face, but said nothing.

"You don't normally ask me to come in here unless there is something very wrong," I said.

"Oh," he pulled an envelope out of his pocket. "I'm sorry, this damn head ache is messing up my concentration," he mumbled, passing me the envelope. "Jason and Kate were over last night and he asked me to give you this."

I took it from him and looked inside. "Right. Thanks."

Richard nodded and sat down at his desk.

I stood there waiting for the rest of his complaint. It never came.

"Is that all?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah." Then he added, "What is that, anyway?" he gestured to the envelope.

"You didn't look?"

"No, I didn't look. If Jason had wanted me to know, then he would have told me."

"So you ask me instead?"

"Fine, don't tell me. I don't care," he shrugged.

After a beat I gave in and said, "Two season tickets to the symphony."

"Oh, okay. Who are you going with?"

"Does it matter?" I asked.

"Not really." He pinched his nose the way people do when they are fighting a bad head ache and then looked back at me expectantly.

I frowned, not understanding Richard's interest in the tickets or the reason why we were even having this conversation. Richard had a similar expression on his face.

"They're not for me, they're for the security officer at my apartment. His wife is a big fan of classical music and Jason said he could get him some discounted tickets as a gift. So… these are the tickets."

"Jason knows your security man?"

"Yes, Frank is a very nice man."

"Interesting."

There was a very uncomfortable pause where neither of us said anything.

"Are you sure you're feeling all right?" I asked. The whole conversation had been too strange for my liking. I was baffled by the attempt at small talk.

"I told you, I just have a head ache. Give a mere mortal human a break for once, will ya?"

_That _sounded like the usual Richard to me. "Okay, well, thanks for delivering the tickets. I'll just go and call Jason to let him know I got them."

I had one hand on the door knob when Richard said, "You make it sound like I'm incompetent of delivering a simple envelope."

Yup, the normal Richard was back. "Not at all. I just wanted to thank him, is all."

"Right," he sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"Can I get you some aspirin?" I offered.

"Nope, I'll be fine. Save the rescue attempts for someone at death's door."

Typical parting shot. I nodded and opened the door to find Lois on the other side waiting with two cups of coffee. Neither of which was for me.

"All done?" she said. Even without a hint of a smile, she was still breathtakingly beautiful.

"Yeah, we're done."

She brushed past me into the office and closed the door with her foot, effectively shutting me out. Things had been better in recent months between us, but Lois still never missed the opportunity to get one up on me. She was cordial when necessary around Jason or for work, but that's as far as her generosity could be extended.

"So, how'd it go?" Jimmy asked, concerned for my safety.

"It was fine, but I have to get to work."

I slid down into my chair, intent on starting in on my work load, but my attention was drawn to Richard's office and the conversation going on inside. It was wrong of me to listen in, but I had this nagging feeling that something just wasn't right and that I needed to know about it. Something was very off today.

"So, what was it, anyway?" I heard Lois ask.

"Tickets to the symphony, of all things."

"Oh, Jason told me Clark goes to every concert he performs."

I smiled at the pleased tone in her voice. Score one point for me.

"No, these were for some guy – hey – did you know Jason was friends with the people who work in Clark's apartment building? I mean, I guess I knew Jason went over there, but still. It seems odd."

"There's a whole lot of 'odd' about what Jason knew about Clark that we didn't know, so why should this be any different?"

My smile fell at the now disdainful quality of her voice. Subtract that point.

"I guess." Richard hissed in a breath.

"Still got that head ache?" Lois asked.

"It's turning into a migraine."

"Here, let me help."

One glance at the door informed me that Lois was now giving him a soothing massage. I couldn't help but be jealous. Then again, I'd spent the last twenty years being jealous of Richard White. Why should today be any different?

"That feels so good," Richard moaned.

Lois bent down to kiss his neck, and I quickly looked away. It never sat well with me to witness Lois and Richard being affectionate. It was one thing to _know_… it was another thing to _see_.

A few minutes later, the door to the office swung open and Lois, with lips that had obviously been well kissed, headed out. "How about lunch around noon?" Richard called to her.

"Maybe. I'm still working on getting to Baldacci, so if that goes through I'll have to bail."

He walked up next to her and took a sip of his coffee. "No problem. Just let me know."

"Sure thing."

"And thanks for the rubdown," he whispered, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

A seductive snicker followed, "Anytime."

He kissed her once more, gently, and then turned to go back into his office.

I closed my eyes and groaned, wishing with all my might that she would look at me the way she was looking at Richard. That I could be the one she brought coffee to and made lunch plans with and kissed before work. I wished…

And then she screamed.


	2. All the King's Men

_AN: I'm flattered that so many of you not only remember my AU but are interested in reading more even when you pretty much know where it's heading! LOL! I hope to be able to provide you with a few surprises along the way – things Jason never knew! Muhahah! No really. _

_Thanks to AviFrogman for beta reading this over for me. It really helps to have a second set of eyes skim something to make sure the typos aren't too prolific. _

_Thanks to MegasaurusRex101, viv920, Classic Cowboy, Avi, Lere, Nanou1983, Erik'sTrueAngel, Shannon K, TwilightBEL, 00Verisimilitude00, winthjo, and JamesTKent for the nice welcome back into fan fiction._

**All the King's Men**

"_Richard_!"

I whirled around, as did just about everyone else in the bullpen. The fear in Lois' voice was unnatural and terrifying. You couldn't resist turning to see what was wrong.

"_RICHARD_!" she screamed again, dropping to the ground.

I quickly stood up to see that Richard was sprawled out on the floor, his coffee spilling out of the cup he had been holding. Lois was frantically trying to wake him up.

Her heart fluttered and in that instant she looked up and pointedly met my eyes.

"_Clark_! Help him!"

Moving at normal speed for a human but what felt like a snail's pace to me, I darted around my desk saying, "Call 911," even before I reached Richard's side. When I did, I knelt down beside him and scanned his body for broken bones. Not seeing any, I carefully rolled him so I could see his face. He was already pale and there was a stillness that made even my blood run cold.

"Help him, _please_, Clark!"

I looked at Lois, understanding that her request wasn't for Clark but rather for Superman. By this point in time, the entire bull pen was focused on the situation. Dozens of reporters had their eyes trained on their boss, his wife, and the guy she didn't get along with. "I can't, Lois. Too many people."

"Yes, you can!" She inhaled sharply. "Please! _Please_," her voice quivered.

"Lois—"

"_HELP HIM!_"

I couldn't change into Superman in front of the entire staff of the daily planet. And even if I did, it wouldn't help. Richard wasn't breathing… and there wasn't a heartbeat. I wasn't an expert when it came to medicine, but I knew enough from all my years of rescuing injured people that there was a definitive point of no return for the human body. Still, the desperation in Lois' voice pulled at my very soul. I had to do something – if only for her sake.

"Someone call 911," I bellowed again in a voice most unlike Clark Kent and began performing CPR on Richard. Lois gasped beside me and started murmuring pleas of help to anyone, mortal or deity, who would listen. It took several minutes for the paramedics to arrive, but even they knew there wasn't much that could be done. They took Richard, who was hooked up to all kinds of monitors, out on the stretcher and put him in the ambulance. Lois went with him, as she should.

Before the door to the ambulance closed, Lois looked directly at me and simply said, "Jason!"

"I'll call him," I replied. "You focus on Richard."

The ambulance sped away leaving a whole crowd of gaping on lookers wondering what just happened to their international editor and when he might get better. When pressed by Perry a few moments later, I had to tell him that I didn't know what happened and that he should go to the hospital. I knew otherwise. I knew exactly what had happened. I didn't know what caused it, but I did know the end result. I just couldn't bring myself to say it.

Only I would _have_ to say it. To Jason.

I reached inside my coat and pulled out my cell phone. Of all the things I've ever contemplated talking to Jason about, this was one conversation I had never planned on having with him. There were no words for this. I knew that personally from experience. And I had a sinking feeling Jason was going to hate that I was the one to tell him this news. I shouldn't have offered to call him, but I had and Lois needed me to stick by my word.

To my luck, or maybe not, Jason didn't answer his phone. He was probably already in rehearsal. "Jason, this is Clark. Call me when you get this. There's been… and incident and Richard…" I couldn't leave this on a voice mail message. "Just, please, call me. It's very important."

I hung up and thought for a moment about my next step. Jason needed to know about this right away. I couldn't barge into his rehearsal. Or could I? Going with a second option, I dialed Kate's number.

"Hello?"

"Kate, hi. This is Clark."

"Hi, Clark!" her cheery voice said. "How are you?"

"Not good. Kate…" I took a deep breath and pressed on. "Something's happened to Richard. He collapsed and was just taken to the hospital."

"Oh, my God!"

"Kate, it doesn't look good."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I think Jason needs to go to the hospital right now."

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure, but Kate, this doesn't look good."

"Oh…no. Jason's at rehearsal."

"I know, and he didn't answer his phone. That's why I'm calling you. Do you have another number you can reach him at?"

"Yes, sure. I'll call him and tell him."

With the panic I could hear in her voice, I didn't think it would be wise for this to come from her. "Just tell Jason that he needs to come to the hospital. Don't – don't tell him…"

"I'll be as unspecific as I can, okay? And I'll be there, too, as soon as I can get Eric ready."

"Okay, thanks."

Moments later, I was walking into Met Gen and headed towards the sound of the heartbeat that always drew my attention. It was beating more rapidly than normal, and I knew it wasn't from happiness.

I found Lois with Perry outside a trauma room talking to a doctor. I didn't need super hearing to know that the news wasn't good, as the doctor's words were written all over Lois' expressive face. Perry had his arm around her, more for support than anything.

When the doctor walked away, Perry hugged her and gently said that he would go call Richard's family and let them know. He asked her what she needed and told her to sit down, but she stood still, motionless. It was only after he had turned down into another hallway that she shifted her focus in my direction.

Her eyes held onto mine as if they were a lifeline. And maybe they were. I took a step closer, completely uncertain of how to proceed. Every instinct in my body told me to take her in my arms and hold her, reassure her that she would be all right. But was that a selfish action? Was it even my place to do such a thing? Did I even believe that she would be all right?

"He's gone," she said softly.

It wasn't a surprise, just a confirmation of what I had known since the moment I saw him on the floor.

"It was a brain aneurism," she went on, her voice shaking. "They couldn't do anything. No one could."

I sighed and shook my head, now knowing there literally was nothing I could have done to save him. Because I would have. If I could have saved him, I would have. For Jason. For Lois. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. But how would I ever know? In this moment where I felt the guilt of having wished him away and the relief of being totally out of control, I told myself that I would have saved him if there had been a chance.

I focused on Lois, taking in her too pale coloring and rapid heart rate. Those two observations don't belong together in the human body. Her breath grew shallower as she repeated the words, "I can't believe… I can't…"

Her hands shook and she looked as if she didn't know what to do with them, as if her body wasn't her own. "He's gone," she whispered one last time before her legs gave out and she started to fall.

And then she was in my arms. Her weight sagged against my chest as the tears began to fall. Ever stoic, ever strong, Lois fought the emotional battle and lost. Her arms were limp around me, but I held her tight, giving her what little reassurance I could that she was not alone. I closed my eyes and took in the sound of her cries, wishing I had the power to take away this pain. It had been the same way with my mom when dad died. Even with all my powers, all I could do was hold her and allow her to grieve.

Yet in that moment of grief and sorrow, I was struck with the fact that I hadn't held Lois this close in over three years. The last time I touched her at all was when we danced at Jason's wedding. I recalled thinking how much I loved her and hoped that she would understand all my reasons for keeping the truth from her. I remembered hoping that we'd still be friends and maybe… someday… have something more. I even remembered saying to myself many times over the last few years that if ever I had the chance to hold her again I would make sure she knew just how I felt and that I never wanted to let her go.

And now here she was, wrapped up in my arms. Her face buried against my chest. Where I'd always hoped she would be. The furthest thought from my mind was that this was my second chance. There wasn't a hint of romance in this moment of anguish. She'd lost the man she'd loved for decades, the man she'd married and raised a child with. She'd lost her partner in life. I was not the replacement. I was the shoulder that she would cry on, the arm that she would lean on. I was the moment of support. And one day, probably much sooner than anyone would expect, Lois would be on her own again. Without Richard. Without me.

She pulled back from me ever so slightly and gave a most un-ladylike sniff. "I'm getting your suit coat all messy."

"Do you really think I'm worried about my suit right now?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't even know why you're here. You hated Richard."

That stung. "No, I didn't."

She looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes that demanded the truth.

"Whatever I felt for Richard," I said, "I would never wish for this or take pleasure in this. Do you really think that poorly of me?"

"I don't know what to think," she sighed. "I'm sorry I said that. It's just…" I could feel her leaning into me again, needing some kind of support she didn't know how to ask for. "He was fine," she stated. "He was fine. Just an hour ago, he was kissing me and laughing. We made plans for lunch."

"He had a headache," I pointed out. "He wasn't fine."

"But it was just a headache!" she snapped. "Headaches come and go, Clark. They're normal! You don't die from them!" She jerked away from me mumbling, "I don't expect you to understand."

She had every right to be angry, but I couldn't let her slight go by without defending myself at least a little bit. "I know what a headache is, Lois."

She scoffed, "Yeah, 'cause you've been plagued by them so often."

Logic told me to back off and let her have it her way. She'd been through so much in such a short time. It would only make it worse if I fought her on this. But I'd learned from too many mistakes that doing the logical thing when it comes to dealing with Lois Lane isn't exactly the _right_ thing to do.

"I may not have had a headache before, but I've felt pain, Lois. Or have you forgotten when I was stabbed with kryptonite?"

She wordlessly stared up at me in shock, her eyes brimming with more tears.

"I've seen enough people reacting to pain that I'm pretty aware when someone is hurting. Richard wasn't himself this morning. There was something wrong."

The look on her face completely changed. "Then why didn't you do anything?"

"Believe me, I wish I had done something. I asked him if I could help, and like you I passed off his headache as nothing too bothersome. I should have scanned him from head to foot to make sure he was okay, but I didn't. And I will regret that for the rest of my life."

Two tears fell down her cheeks. After a moment she asked, "Would you have even been able to do anything?"

"I don't know. Probably not. But maybe if I had done something you wouldn't be looking at me right now like it's my fault."

"No, it's not your fault. I just…" She slumped back against the wall, what little strength she had leaving her as she lowered herself into a chair. "God… I just don't know. I wasn't ready. I – I never saw this coming."

"You couldn't have."

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to do." And then it hit her. "Jason!" She looked up me.

"I called him, but I got his machine. Kate's trying to reach him."

As if on cue, Perry came around the corner with Kate and Eric. He'd obviously told Kate the news, as she darted straightaway to Lois and put her arms around her in consolation.

Eric didn't seem to quite understand what was going on. Sensing something wrong, he toddled over to stand by me and tugged at my pant leg. I scooped him up and he offered me a hug. I reveled in the moment, knowing that his father wouldn't give me such a warm reception once he heard the news.

Kate explained that she still hadn't been able to reach Jason, but that she'd left several messages. Just as I was plotting how I could break into his rehearsal, Kate's phone rang. Her eyes held fast to Lois' face as she tried to convey to Jason that he was needed right away at the hospital. She clicked the phone off before I had the chance to stop her.

"I should have talked to him, told him what was going on," I said, returning Eric to his mother's arms.

"No," Lois replied. "I should be the one to tell him."

A nurse came out and escorted us to a lobby area where we were to wait for Lois to sign the necessary paperwork and documents. It was there that Jason found us.

His face was flushed and his eyes were wide. Kate rushed into his arms, offering him a shoulder to cry on before he even knew the seriousness of the situation. He glanced around the room, taking in Lois' tears and the way Perry was comforting her.

"What happened?" he asked Kate. "Where's Dad?"

And then his eyes fell on me. I most certainly wasn't the "dad" he was looking for. In fact, if I hadn't known any better, I would have said I felt contempt in Jason's stare. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't tell him the man he loved as his father was dead. My eyes automatically fell on Lois.

"Mom?" Jason said.

"Oh, honey," she sighed, holding out her hand to him and standing up. "Richard…"

That was all it took. The look that passed between them said it all.

"No." Jason moaned.

Lois nodded, confirming the worst. "He's gone, honey."

"How," he asked as his heart rate sped up dramatically.

"It was an aneurysm," Lois explained.

"No," he said again in disbelief, and his eyes flashed to mine in accusation.

My heart broke in that moment. Even though Lois hugged him and told him that there wasn't anything anyone could have done. Even though he was surrounded by people who loved him and wouldn't lie to him about this. The accusation was still there. I didn't save Richard. I save thousands of people day in and day out and yet I let Richard die. I wanted to tell Jason it wasn't my fault and explain exactly what had happened, but it didn't seem right. As I told Lois earlier, maybe… if I had looked more closely this morning… maybe I could have saved him. Probably not. Most likely not. But it was that small, slim sliver of doubt that held me back and wouldn't allow me to offer Jason the comfort I knew he needed from me.

Perceptive of the unspoken words passing between us, Lois glanced from Jason to me and back to our son. "It isn't his fault," she said softly, and I wondered if she was trying to convince Jason or herself. "Don't blame him for this."

But I knew he would. If there was anything I knew about Jason is was that he took every chance he could to blame me for anything bad happening in his life. I'd disappointed him too many times for him to be any other way. Besides, I knew what it felt like to lose a father and how you look for someone – anyone to blame for the loss you feel. I couldn't be angry at Jason for this. I felt frustrated that even after all the recent conversations I'd had with him, he still didn't know how much I really loved him. But I couldn't be angry at him.

As the nurse returned and walked Lois through the distasteful process of what would be done with Richard's body and what papers needed to be signed, I couldn't stop myself from stepping back and away from her. Jason was by her side. Perry was on Lois' other side. Kate, standing just behind Jason, held Eric in her arms. They were a family trying to deal with their grief and face reality without one vital member of their world. I took another step back, giving them the space they needed, intrinsically aware that there wasn't room for me in this moment.

I'd never really fit into Lois or Jason's life. I had a place, but I didn't really fit. We'd tried to make it work over the years. Sometimes it worked, but more often than not it didn't. Now, with Richard's presence missing from the puzzle, I was more aware than ever that I didn't belong.

Silently, without even drawing a glance from little Eric, I left them to face the unknown.


	3. Bare Necessities

_AN: I feel I owe you all an explanation. I started writing this chapter over a month ago. Around that time my mother got very sick. She was in the hospital for over a week with a serious infection. She came home and was on heavy meds with a PIC line in her arm so that we could administer her IV treatments. For the next 2 weeks she got a little better and I found a little time to write this chapter and sent it to my wonder Beta, Avi. Mom went in for her checkup after her treatment had ended, and they found the infection had damaged her heart. She was sent to Vanderbilt Hospital for open heart surgery right away. The beta came back to me on the very day my mom was having her surgery. In the last week I've spent most of my "free time" at the hospital (which is an hour away) with my mom helping her recover. She is doing great and should be home next week sometime. _

_I know what it is to start reading a WIP fic and have it stall for ages and ages. I didn't intend to do that to you all and I will do my best to update a little more frequently. Thanks to everyone who is sticking with me and will continue to read! Reviews are love and are fuel to fanfic writers! I appreciate all of your feedback._

**Bare Necessities**

To say that Richard's death changed the working atmosphere of the Daily Planet is an understatement. He was well liked and Lois was a star reporter. Nearly half the staff that worked there had attended their wedding years before and watched them raise Jason. They were idolized and looked upon in awe. For Richard to die suddenly when he was still so young – and to die right there in front of his office – left many employees uneasy.

I had to go right back to work. There wasn't any real excuse I could give for _not_ going back to work. The paper didn't even have the luxury of shutting down so that the staff could attend the funeral. News still happened and someone had to work to get those stories out. Only those people closest to Lois and Richard were granted full permission to go to the funeral. I thought I wouldn't be allowed to go because of the well-known argument that had been on-going between Lois and me for the last few years. However, I appealed to Perry that even though there had been a disagreement, I had been her partner for so many years that it would be a tactless slight if I didn't show up to pay my respects. To my relief, he agreed. What was I supposed to say otherwise? Sorry, I can't work because even though Richard and I didn't get along he is the man who raised my biological son with the woman I loved and since they are both hurting I should be with them. I don't think so.

So I worked, both as a reporter and as Superman. I went for nearly forty-eight hours straight, checking in on Lois and Jason every few hours without their knowledge. Neither Lois nor Jason slept that first night. Lois didn't sleep much the next night either. I was worried for her, but she had a steady stream of help from her sister to Richard's sister to Jason and Kate to Perry. Family. As it should be.

It was late on that second night when I got a voice mail from Kate. We didn't talk too often. In fact, I couldn't remember ever talking to her without Jason around. That's why it surprised me so much when she asked me to meet her as soon as possible. I called her back on her cell right away. In a whispered voice she asked if I could come over to their house and talk to her about something important. Without question, I was over there in minutes.

She met me outside, a robe pulled around her even though it was warm out. "Thanks for coming over so quickly," she said, her voice very low.

"Not a problem. What's the matter?"

Softly she said, "We have to talk quietly because I don't want to wake Jason up."

"Ok."

"I just…" she wet her lips. "I wanted to make sure that you knew you left."

I shook my head in confusion. "What?"

"You left. At the hospital the other day. You left and didn't say anything about why. And you haven't said anything since."

"I didn't know what to say. I didn't think they wanted to hear from me. Especially Jason."

She grimaced. "That wasn't a wise thing to do."

"Why not?"

"Because they need you," she said as if it should have been clearly obvious to me.

"No, Kate. I only remind them that Richard's gone."

She pursed her lips. "I don't know about that, but I do know that you can't just walk away from this. They've lost one member of their family. They can't lose another."

"Hold on," I said feeling a bit defensive. "You make it sound like I've left the planet again. I'm still here if they need me."

"Yeah, well they need you, but you're not going to hear it from them in those words. Neither Jason nor Lois is the type of person to ask for help, but they do need it. Jason hasn't let himself grieve fully and Lois is just going through the motions pretending that everything will be fine in a few days. Now, I've never lost a spouse so I don't know exactly what that process is like… but I have lost a mother. What Jason is doing is pretty typical. The denial and guilt and anger will be followed by bargaining and depression long before he can accept what's happened. He's going to need you."

"He won't _want_ me," I challenged. "He blames me."

"He blames _everyone_. And he _will_ want you. You're the only father he has left."

Shaking my head, I said, "I can't replace Richard."

She stepped closer to me. "I'm not saying you should. I'm just saying… you can't take yourself out of the picture."

I exhaled slowly. "You know, I've worked really hard to even be _in_ the picture."

"I know. That's why you have to fight for this. You have to let him know you're here and that you still have a place in his life."

I thought about that, letting it take root inside me. I might not fit into Jason's life – or Lois' life for that matter – as perfectly as Richard did. Yet I still had a place there. Kate was right. I wasn't helping by leaving them alone. They may not need me today or tomorrow, but they might eventually need me. If I abandon them now when they are hurting, then I won't stand a chance of being included later on when times are better. My logic in letting them alone to deal with this suddenly seemed immensely flawed and I questioned how I could have ever thought it a good idea in the first place.

"You're right, Kate," I said. "I promise to be more available and make sure they know I'm here if they need something. I shouldn't have assumed otherwise."

She looked up at me sadly. "Don't beat yourself up over it. Times like this are confusing for everyone. I've been trying to get Jason to talk to me since it happened and he still won't open up. Even I'm lost on what I should be doing for him. All we can do is stand by and make sure we're around when the dam breaks."

I nodded in agreement. "That's very true."

She sighed. "Well, I need to get back inside before he wakes up. I'll see you at the funeral."

"Just let me know if there is something I can do. Anything. I want to help."

"Thanks, Clark." With a small smile, she slipped inside the house and closed the door.

With a new focus on what I should be doing, I headed over to the house of Riverside Drive to check on Lois once more. Given her routine the last few days I figured she would be awake. It worried me that she wasn't sleeping, and after my conversation with Kate I figured I should at least voice my concern to let Lois know I was here if she wanted help. I'd have to word it carefully or risk her lashing out at me. Still, I couldn't let her think I didn't want to help as Kate had implied.

Unsurprisingly, Lois was at the computer typing away with fervor. Whenever Lois has anything emotionally upsetting in her life, she always takes it out in her writing. Some of her best work has come out of emotional turmoil. She even won a Pulitzer for going off on me and my absence all those years ago. Richard's death had to be one of the deepest blows she's ever felt. She'd probably end up writing another masterpiece given how focused she appeared to be. It made me worry about interrupting her while she was so engrossed in her work. Maybe I should wait? Or maybe I shouldn't?

I hesitated knocking on the door for fear that she just simply wouldn't invite me in. Even though it had been part of my routine since the day I met Lois to check on her from time to time, it had literally been years since I'd been inside her house. Not that I'd ever spent much time there to begin with, it had always been slightly uncomfortable being in the house she shared with another man. It seemed even more imposing to be there when that man was gone forever.

How ridiculous was this? The most powerful being on the planet and I was afraid of knocking on a friend's door to see if there was anything I could do for her in a time of sorrow? Oh, who was I kidding? Friend? Maybe the problem was I didn't have a good definition for my relationship with Lois. I told myself to just get over it and knock on the dang door. If Lois was going to hate me for it, then so be it. I'd rather have her angry at me for offering to help than for not offering.

My knock startled her out of the semi trance-like state she was in while typing. I watched her as she checked the clock, shook her head in disbelief at the time, and then headed for the door. She opened it without even looking out to see who it was.

"I wondered when you'd show up."

I frowned. "How did you know it was me? Or that I'd come?"

"Because you always do. That's what you do, isn't it? Check on us to make sure we're safe, and when you think we're not, you drop down to fix things."

"Um…"

"And I knew it was you because it's after midnight. No one else would stop by on the off chance I'd be awake. You, however, _knew_ I was awake."

Well, she had me there. "You haven't been sleeping well."

She chuckled darkly, "I haven't been sleeping at all."

The silence that filled the space grew thick as our eyes held one another's gaze.

"What can I do for you?" I finally said.

"Nothing," she breathed.

"There has to be something. I— "

"There isn't anything," she repeated. "Unless you can turn back time and stop Richard from dying."

I tried not to react to her words. There was still one really big secret I'd never told Lois about and now absolutely wasn't the time to do it.

"I feel helpless here," I admitted. "Please, let me do something for you. Anything."

"Are you trying to ease your conscience?"

"What?" I gaped. "No. I feel badly that this happened, but even you said it wasn't my fault."

"Hum. Or are you just stepping in trying to fill the gap that Richard left behind?"

I actually had to take a step back after that one. "No," I said softly. "That isn't why I'm here. I would never presume that you… that I…" I swallowed hard and said, "If that's how you feel, then I should just go."

Her tired eyes fell closed. "I'm sorry. I'm finding that the filter between my brain and my tongue isn't working lately."

"Even if you hadn't said it, Lois, you were still thinking it."

She groaned and slumped against the door frame. "Oh, come on, Clark. Don't start this with me."

I pointed at myself. "I didn't start this."

"You know what I mean!"

"No, Lois, I don't know what you mean. I _never_ know what you mean!"

"Then why did you even come over here?"

"To see if there was anything I could do for you."

"And I said there wasn't! So, why fight with me?"

"I'm not fight—"

I stopped abruptly. No matter how cruel her suggestions about my motivations were, she did have somewhat of a point. I didn't want to fight with her and cause more stress.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I didn't mean to make you upset. I genuinely want to help."

She waited a beat before saying, "Well, I don't know what you think you can do here."

"I didn't know if there was something that would make you feel a little better. Some special food or wine. Or something that needed… done quickly… or…" I was rambling.

"You mean you'd fly to Columbia to get me a great cup of coffee if I asked you to?"

She said it as a joke, but I answered her seriously. "Yes, exactly."

"Right, because you have nothing better to do."

"I don't. No one's really in trouble right this very second. I think I could manage a great cup of coffee if that's really what you wanted…" I checked my watch, "at 12:37 at night when you haven't slept for several days."

She gave me an intense look, and I could tell she was contemplating my offer. "You would do something that menial and pointless if I asked you to do it?"

"It isn't pointless if it makes you feel even fractionally better."

"A cup of coffee isn't going to solve my problems, Clark."

"I didn't say it would. I just asked if there was anything, anything at all that I could do for you that you can't do for yourself." I had to correct that. "Or that youdon't _want_ to do."

She chewed at her lip for a good fifteen seconds before asking, "Are you coming to the wake tomorrow?"

With a shrug I said, "I hadn't planned on it, but I will if you need me to do something."

Her face turned suddenly hard. "Why aren't you coming? Perry asked me if it was all right that he cleared you for the funeral. I said yes, so I know you have the opportunity. Why aren't you coming then?"

"I didn't know if it would make things… uncomfortable. I'm going to the funeral, but I didn't know if you'd want me..." I signaled to the house, "here afterwards." Considering that we were still standing in the doorway and that she hadn't invited me in, I thought my reasoning was pretty sound.

"Oh, I see," she whispered. "Yeah, I can see how that might be… weird."

"Especially for Jason," I added.

Running her hands through her hair, she said, "There goes that."

"There goes what?"

"I was going to ask you for some help after the wake."

I stood a little straighter at hearing her even admit she might want my help. "Doing what?"

"Cleaning up. I told my sister I didn't even want to have the wake here because I couldn't face the clean up. She insisted that I wouldn't have to lift a finger, but I know her too well. There will be a mess of dishes and food and flowers and God knows what else and she'll get half way done and call it quits."

"I'll do it," I said quickly before she could change her mind. "So long as I can do it my way and no one is watching."

"You mean at super speed?" she smiled.

I shrugged in reply. "I can even wait to come over until the very end, if you think that will make things easier for you and Jason."

She rolled her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. "Clark, I don't think anything is really going to make it easier on me or Jason. Not for a long time."

I let the truth of that statement sink in until I couldn't stand the silence. "Then if you don't want me to come because it will upset you both I'll—"

"No," she shook her head. "That isn't what I meant. I just need you to understand that this is going to be rough. Things are really unclear. I don't know what _I_ need right now. How the hell am I supposed to know what Jason needs?"

I nodded. "Do we just play it by ear for a while?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "The help cleaning up would be nice but after that…"

Again, I nodded. "I do understand, Lois. I lost my father when I was a teenager. I know how confusing it can be."

She blinked in wonder at me. "I had forgotten that. How did your dad die?"

"Heart attack. Right in front of me. Not a thing I could have done to save him, either."

Her eyes looked wet. "Does Jason know that?"

"I think so."

"You should remind him. Kate and I have talked a little. Jason is taking this pretty hard."

"That's understandable. It's also understandable as to why he's confused. Maybe I shouldn't come."

She shook her head at me and tried to wipe at her eyes in a way that didn't announce she was feeling emotional. "Don't offer to help and then back out. I want you to come, so… you'd better be there."

"Okay," I said with a sad smile, pushing at my glasses out of habit more than out of necessity.

Lois cocked her head. "Why do you always wear those around me?"

"What?"

"The glasses. Do you wear them when you're talking to Jason?"

"Um… sometimes."

"Talk about pointless," she mumbled as she stood up and took the doorknob in her hand. "So…"

"So…" I repeated.

"I have to try to sleep."

"Yes, you do."

She leaned against the door in a rather innocent way that is usually demonstrated by shy children. "I'll…um…"

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said for her. She probably didn't even want to think about tomorrow anymore.

"Yeah." She smirked.

"Good night, Lois."

"Night, Clark."

She closed the door slowly and walked back to her computer. Once the file was saved, she shut it down and headed up the stairs. When she reached the top of the landing she said, "You can go now. I promise I'll try to sleep."

I smiled. Oh, how well that woman knew me. She might not want to admit to it. She'd probably even point out that it was everything she _didn't_ know about me that had caused all our problems. Even still, she knew me. And she knew, true to my word, that I'd be there tomorrow when she asked me to be.

I only hoped Jason would understand.


	4. In Memorandum

_AN: I'm so sorry for the long delay. However, I am happy to report that my mother has returned home after a long recovery process. She literally JUST came home, so we've kind of been living in limbo for a few months! Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. They have meant so much to me! _

_This chapter was like pulling teeth to write. I hadn't planned on including it, but my beta mentioned it and I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I read though my plans for the next few chapters without this chapter it felt very abrupt and kind of mean on Clark's behalf. So I wrote it. It's somewhat of a rehash of what you already know from Age 25: Loss, but I hope you find some new information seeing it through Clark's eyes rather than Jason's. I PROMISE that the next few chapters will be all new stuff you've never known happened because, well, they didn't have much to do with Jason! I have about two years to fill now and Jason is nearly oblivious to it all. _

_Thanks for reading and sticking with me. _

**In Memorandum**

"More!" the little voice said.

"I don't know, buddy. I think you're going high enough." I said, giving another push on the swing.

"No, more! Gwanpa go more!"

I tried not to react to the statement, but I couldn't help it. In Eric's world and limited vocabulary, "Grandpa" was Richard and "Clark" was… well, Clark. He was too young to understand any differently. Hearing him talk about Richard as his "grandpa" always hurt a little, but it was more pronounced today. Being the perceptive child that he was, Eric noticed.

"Be bad?"

I gave the swing another soft push. "I'm okay. Don't worry about it, buddy."

There was a moment as the swing went to and fro and to and fro before Eric said, "Gwanpa…heaben?"

Side stepping what would be a totally incomprehensible discussion on theology with a sixteen month old, I simply said, "Yes, Eric. He's in heaven."

"Daddy sad."

I nodded and gave him another soft push.

The door slid open and Kate walked out onto the deck. "You guys doing okay?"

"Mommy!" Eric squealed and held his arms out to her.

"We're doing fine," I said, patting the toddler's bottom again as the swing came back to me. "How's everything going in there?"

She sighed deeply and walked toward us. "Okay, I guess. Lots of tears and hugs and stories." She squinted up at the sun, shielding her eyes with her hand. "Gorgeous day though."

In a mocking fit of irony, the sun decided to shine brightly on the day of Richard's funeral. It really was an absolutely beautiful day, and yet it felt like a black rain cloud hovered somewhere above us ready to strike at any minute. In a way, I wish it had. Rain and grey skies were so much more befitting to the atmosphere of the day.

The church had been filled to capacity for the funeral. I'd overheard Lois explaining that even though Richard wasn't particularly religious, it was one of the only places large enough to accommodate the many people who wished to pay their respects. I wondered, however, at how much arguing or money it took to get the minister leading the services to narrow down his Biblical references and stick with more secular words of hope and encouragement. Perry gave the eulogy, proving to everyone just how brilliant a writer he was and why he held the position of editor-in-chief of one of the country's top newspapers. I thought that Jason might say something, but he chose not to. He didn't even play a piano piece, which I thought was odd considering that Richard was one of Jason's biggest fans.

The burial was even more difficult than the actual funeral. I'd only been to two other grave side services, and those were for my parents. In both of those cases I couldn't take my eyes off of the casket, trying to remember every detail of the face and the life of the person inside. However in this instant, all of my focus and attention was on the people left behind. My eyes flitted between Lois and Jason, lingering longer on Jason and wanting more than anything for him to look back at me with any amount of warmth in his eyes.

I kept my distance from the family at the wake. I found a corner in the living room where I could be out of the way and more or less forgotten while condolences were offered by those around me. The last thing I wanted to do today was cause any kind of disturbance, so remaining as invisible as possible made it easy to slip out unnoticed when I heard some cries for help. Three careless mountain climbers, two brutal car accidents, and one egotistical burglar later and I just managed to slip back into my hiding place in the corner without anyone noticing.

It had been a long day for everyone. The person that had the most difficultly with the long hours, hushed voices, and limited play time was little Eric. He struggled in his mother's arms, wanting to be put down. Yet the moment she would set him on the floor he'd want to play and make a fuss. Jason held him for a while and eventually ended up taking him outside to play on the swing set. When he was called back inside to say good bye to a few guests, Kate was left to tend to the fussy child on her own yet again. Hoping to give her a moment to catch her breath, I offered to stay with Eric outside so she could say her own farewells and have a moment to herself. It thrilled me when my offer was received with such relief and thankfulness.

We'd been alone outside for a half hour or so when Kate joined us again.

"I think mostly everyone is going home now," she said.

"That's good. Lois should get some rest."

Kate frowned. "Yeah, but she shouldn't be alone. Jason has been worried about her and I agree. So we're going to spend the night. Maybe stay the weekend."

"That's good, too. I don't want her to be alone either."

"Pway wid Gwanma!" Eric said happily.

Kate offered him a sad smile. "Oh, sweetie. Grandma needs to rest. She won't want to play today. But I'm sure she'll be ready to play very soon."

"Gwanpa… heaben?" he repeated from earlier.

Kate stopped the swing and pulled Eric out of the seat to hug him. "Yes, sweetie. Grandpa's in heaven."

He pulled back to look at his mother and then at me. "Gwanpa… Clark?"

Kate's eyes flashed to mine. It was the first time he'd ever referred to me in that way.

Stunned, I said, "I didn't— I didn't say anything to him."

"It's okay," she sighed, kissing his cheek. "He's probably confused. Things like death and divorce are hard enough for us to understand as adults."

"Except that Lois and I aren't divorced."

I'm not sure why I said it. It just slipped off my tongue with no warning.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"It's okay," she said. "Like I said, things can be confusing."

She looked at me with an uncomfortable smile until Eric said, "Want Clark!" His chubby arms reached out to me.

Kate handed him over to me and he giggled a little. "Up!" he said, and I tossed him ever so slightly into the air. "No! UP!" he repeated pointing to the sky.

"Eric, sweetie, no," Kate started, but I stopped her.

"Shhhh," I said to Eric, putting a finger to my lips. "Remember our secret? Remember that we can't talk about special things?"

Eric imitated me by putting his own finger to his lips and echoing my "Shhhh."

"That's right. But I'll tell you what, if you're good for your mommy and daddy for the rest of the day, I'll come back and take your for a ride later. Maybe tomorrow?" I looked at Kate, "If that's okay with your mommy."

"Pwease?" Eric begged.

"Of course you can, Clark. And I appreciate that you watched him for me today."

"The pleasure was all mine," I said in all sincerity. I didn't get to spend a lot of one on one time with Eric, so this was a real treat.

"We should probably get back inside and see if they need anything," Kate said.

I carried Eric into the house expecting to find it still full of guests and stopped short when I came face to face with Lois and Jason standing in front of me all alone. Lois looked over at me with unchecked sadness, but without the contempt that is usually lying under the surface. On the other hand, Jason's eyes held no tenderness. In fact, he looked genuinely surprised to even see me.

I put Eric down and said, "Hey buddy, why don't you go to Mommy. Okay?"

"'Kay," Eric said as he scrambled toward his mother.

"I'm going to put him down for a nap," Kate said, taking Eric's hand and leading him up the steps.

Lois chewed on her lip in thought before looking at me and quietly asking, "Did you mean what you said earlier?"

"Yes," I said, holding her gaze. "Whatever you need."

She nodded in what I could only assume was her way of admitting that she did need help. "I think," she started, "that I need some time alone."

After the conversation I'd just had with Kate, I didn't think that was such a good idea. However, before I could protest Jason said, "Are you sure, Mom?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm just going to lie down for a while."

I wanted to make sure she understood that she wouldn't be all alone in the house. I could give her some privacy, but I really didn't think she should be all alone. I was sure that my opinion would be met with protests if I stated it clearly, so instead I said, "I'll take care of everything," leaving the implication that I'd at least be around the house for a while left unspoken. "Don't worry," I added.

"Thank you, Clark." And then she smiled. It was a small smile, but it was a smile all the same. There was a warmth behind the smile that I had hadn't felt from her in years. I had to be imagining it, for it seemed virtually impossible for Lois to feel anything warm towards me on today of all days. This was her day of mourning.

She turned and headed up the stairs, never looking back. Whatever affection I thought I'd felt vanished with the realization that all she really needed from me was household assistance. I wasn't in a position to offer her any more comfort than that, and she wouldn't request it of me. The person she had always turned to in times like this was gone, and she would mourn that loss for a long time.

Jason's sharp voice penetrated my thoughts. "What exactly are you 'taking care of'?"

I didn't understand his anger. "Cleaning up," I replied truthfully.

The venom I saw in his face faded away as he glanced around the house and took in the state of chaos left behind. What did he think I was going to do? And why would that thought have made him angry? And why did he look guilty now for having thought it? No matter how hard I tried I wondered if I would ever understand how Jason's mind worked.

"Do you need help?" he said, which again left me baffled. He'd teased me several times about how long it would take me to clean up my apartment or move furniture or do any common, menial task that would normally take a human several hours to accomplish. Maybe he was just trying to be nice. But again, it left me wondering why.

"No," I said. "Thank you, but I'll take care of it. Go and be with your family." It cost me quite a bit to say that last bit, and I wondered if it would mean anything to him that I recognized his family included Kate and Eric and Lois… but not me. I was _biological_ family, and not part of the family that he relied on for daily support. Even though we'd come so far in the last few years, Richard's death only drove home how far apart Jason and I really were from each other emotionally.

I wanted to tell him how sorry I was. I wanted him to know that I understood what he was going through. Kate had encouraged me to talk to him. Maybe now was a good time, when we were alone and could speak openly about things that normally had to remain secret.

"Jason—" I said as he turned to head up the steps.

But he didn't want to hear it. "Don't," he said, unable to face me. "I can't. Not yet." I watched him retreat up the steps, certain that Kate would give him the comfort he needed.

For a few minutes I simply took in the mess surrounding me. Plates, cups, flowers, cards, chairs… all in places where they didn't belong. Even me. I didn't even belong. Richard was gone and I was here in this house that he'd lived in with Lois and Jason. How could I have thought it a good idea to stay behind and help? It felt as if I were violating the very memory of the man who had lived in this place. But the offer had been made and I had to finish the task I said I would. So I picked up a few plastic plates and tossed them in the garbage.

Footsteps quietly but quickly coming down the steps caught my attention. Jason sped out of the house and climbed into his car without explanation.

"Jason?" Kate said, running down the steps after him. She looked at me. "Where did he go?"

"I don't know. He didn't tell you?"

"No." Her gaze was fixed on the front door. "He won't talk to me. He won't talk to anyone. I'm worried about him, Clark."

I was worried, too.

She turned to me and asked, "Can you follow him?"

Yes, I could follow him. The question was – _should_ I follow him? Jason had said in the past that he plays the "I want to be alone card" just to see if I would really leave him alone. But I knew that there were times when a person really did need to be alone to think and clear their mind. Just like Lois needed solitude, I felt that Jason probably needed it, too. Then again, needing solitude didn't mean you had to be completely alone with no one near you who cared about you.

"I'll follow him, but I'll just watch," I offered. "I won't interfere with whatever he needs to do, but I'll just watch and make sure he's okay."

Kate sighed in relief. "That would make me feel so much better."

The plates and cups and flowers would just have to wait. With a quick change of clothes I was soaring up above the Earth, my ears focusing on Jason's racing heartbeat. He drove for a while, recklessly over stepping the speed limit by quite a mark. Then, to my surprise, he eventually pulled the car over and started to run. Where he was going was unknown. I don't even think he knew where he was going. He was just running. It was the type of run he's only been allowed to do a few times in his life. A real run. An inhumanly fast run.

And then he slowed down and eventually stopped. His breath was ragged and soon he was coughing. The wheezing sound emanating from his throat was reminiscent of the asthma attacks of his childhood. As much as I longed to go to him and tell him everything would be okay, I restrained myself and stayed hidden behind the trunk of an enormous tree several hundred feet away.

He seemed to calm down slightly just before a hideous, almost unnatural sound ripped from his throat. With his face buried in the crook of his arm he cried openly and loudly. It took more strength than I could have ever imagined to stay where I was and not go to my son. He was hurting in a way that couldn't be easily cured. I knew that from personal experience. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and make him understand that he wasn't alone. Yet I couldn't. I didn't dare.

Slowly, after a long while, Jason's tears began to dry up and he sat up to take in his surroundings. He would be okay. It would take him a long time to really move on, and he'd always hurt when he thought of Richard, but I knew from my own experience that eventually he would be okay.

Confident that he wasn't in any real danger and that he'd return home now that he'd let his emotions out, I decided that I should return to Lois's house before Jason spotted me. But, just as I was ready to leave, Jason said, "I know you're there. You can come out now."

He didn't sound too pleased that I was there. I glanced down at my outfit and decided that he'd be even less pleased to see Superman than he would to see Clark, so I changed quickly before stepping out to talk to him.

"I'm sorry," I offered. "I knew you wanted to be alone."

"Then why did you follow me?"

"Kate."

He nodded in understanding and said, "I just wanted some space. "I wasn't going to hurt myself, if that's what she was worried about."

"No, she just wanted to know where you were." Testing his limits, I added, "I was worried about you, too."

"I'll be fine," he said apathetically, lying down on the ground.

Yes, eventually he would be fine, but he wasn't fine right now. Boldly I said, "I know what you're going through, Jason."

"No, you don't," he snapped.

"Yes, I do. I know what it is to lose a father."

"Having your father die on another planet when you're a baby isn't the same as this. You didn't grow up with him. He didn't raise you," he snarled. "So don't even dare compare Dad to Jor-El."

"I wasn't," I corrected, hoping that the abhorrence Jason felt for Jor-El wouldn't be reflected on Jonathan Kent. I'd once mentioned him to Jason, but he'd clearly forgotten. If I explained how similar our situations were in losing our father's maybe he wouldn't be so angry with me. "I had another father – an adoptive father – a father who raised me and loved me and meant the world to me." I walked up to him and sat down next to him, longing for whatever closeness he would allow. "My dad died when I was eighteen, Jason. It was a heart attack. One minute I was talking to him about school and joking around and the next minute…" I left the sentence unfinished. "He died right there in front of me. Even with all the amazing powers I had, there wasn't anything I could do to save his life."

He considered my words for a long moment before saying, "I'm sorry I snapped at you, but this is… I mean, I never thought…"

"You have every right to be angry, Jason. I just don't want you to feel alone."

His anger flared back to life. "Well, sorry, but that's exactly how I feel. He was my dad. He always knew exactly what to say. He never made me feel…"

And there is was, plain and simple. Richard was Jason's _dad_ and he always would be. I may have been part of giving him life, but I would never be a part of his life the way Richard had been. Even though Jason had scolded me for it and encouraged me to be more involved, I would never be able to do enough to make up for what had been lost. The most frustrating part of it all was that the main reason I couldn't be more of a real father to him was because he wouldn't let me. But I couldn't say that to Jason. Not when he was feeling this torn.

"I'm not here to take Richard's place," I stated, hoping to ease the tension. "That was never my intention."

The snort that came from Jason challenged me.

"Jason, I never stopped him from being your father. I never took you away from him. He was your family right from the start, and I wasn't. I fully acknowledge that Richard raised you – that you think of him as your father and that I'm just…" What? I didn't know how Jason wanted to define me right now.

Summing up what I was feeling, Jason said, "This is so confusing." Then he added, "I've spent the majority of my life worried about the wrong father."

That confused me. "What do you mean?"

"I've always been worried about _you_," he admitted. "Worried about how to talk to you, how to be around you, how to please you, all so that you won't… leave me… again. I fought for you… when I should have been more focused on him."

I didn't have a response for that. I knew Jason fought when he was younger to impress me… but I didn't know it was his attempt to keep me here. He thought I would leave him if he didn't please me? The very idea left me dumbfounded.

His next words pulled me from my thoughts. "I can't even remember the last time I told him I loved him."

"Oh, Jason, he knew," I said. "He knew."

"I find it ironic that he thought of himself as my 'other' father and that you were my 'real' father… when you are sitting here telling me that you feel _you_ are the 'other' father." He pushed himself up. "I just feel like I'm going around in circles sometimes."

I nodded in agreement. "I have felt that way on so many occasions. I think that's just part of life."

"Is that your fatherly advice?" he grumbled.

As careful as I had tried to be, I couldn't contain my frustrations any longer. They had to be vented before I really snapped and said something I'd regret. "What do you want from me, Jason? Talk about going around in circles, you've repeatedly told me that you want me in your life, and yet you still keep me at a distance. Do you want me to be your father, or not? Because this is the only way I know how to do it." I knew I would probably pay for saying that, but I just couldn't keep it in much longer. "I'm not Richard. I wasn't there from day one earning your trust. I have to do it the hard way now, and so far I think I've done everything that you've asked of me. I know you're confused, but I want to be here. I am willing to help in any way possible, you just have to tell me."

Jason appeared taken aback for a moment. "I didn't mean to make you think you had done something wrong," he offered. "You've been great. What's confusing me right now is that I just don't know where to go from here. As crazy as this may sound, Dad made things work around here."

"Do you mean, you're having difficulty defining our relationship now that Richard isn't here to act as a buffer?"

"Yes," he sighed, sounding somewhat relieved.

"I can accept that. "But I'm not going to take myself out of the picture just because you aren't sure where I fit," I said, remembering what Kate had told me a few days ago.

To my own relief he said, "I don't want you out of the picture. I just want…"

His desire was blatantly obvious. "You want Richard back."

He nodded silently.

"I hope you know that if I could have done anything, I would have."

"I know."

"I do love you, Jason," I said in total honesty. "No one expects this to be easy for you. But there are so many people in your life that can help you get through this. Your mother – Kate – me…and Eric needs you."

"Kate!" He nearly jumped out of his skin. "Was she really angry at me? I kind of just ran out."

"Kate was worried about you. Remember, she lost her mother unexpectedly. She knows what you're feeling. And you're her husband – and you're in pain. She wants to help you, that's all."

He seemed to completely come alive again at the very thought that he'd upset Kate in anyway and stood to brush himself off. "I guess I should head back, then. I didn't mean to cause such a fuss."

"It's no fuss."

He took a moment to glance around and said, "Where are we, anyway?"

He really had no clue. "Upstate New York."

Eyes wide, he said, "You're kidding!"

"You ran for a long time."

"I guess so."

I doubted he would take me up on it, but I had to at least offer. "You want a lift back to your car?"

"No, I'll make it back on my own. I need some time."

The smile he gave me reaffirmed what I thought earlier – he would eventually be all right. It would take a while, but he'd get there.

Carefully, again testing the waters of his willingness to let me in, I moved forward to give him a hug. I had wanted to hug him from the moment I'd heard Richard had died, but I knew my hug wouldn't be accepted. Now, however, all I had to do was open my arms slightly and he willingly welcomed my embrace. Not wanting him to think I was being too over the top with my concern and affection, I only hugged him for a moment before pulling away.

I left him then, but not as immediately as he thought. I watched him from above for a while until he started to walk back towards his car. I figured if he couldn't find it he'd give a yell for me.

Considering that I'd left Lois' house before finishing the promised task of cleaning, I hurried back there to get the job done before Jason returned. Kate came down soon after I arrived to ask about Jason. I assured her that he was going to be all right and that he'd be back soon. Even though she looked relieved, she still continued to pace in Jason's old bedroom until he did come back. Lois, I noted, had fallen asleep in a chair in her bedroom. She'd have a terrible crink in her neck if she stayed that way, and I briefly wondered if I should move her into her bed, but quickly discarded the thought. I had no business being anywhere near the bedroom she had shared with Richard. Instead, I worked quietly and a little more slowly than usual so that I wouldn't disturb her.

Just as I placed the last garbage bag in the bin outside, I heard Jason's car come around the corner. I didn't want him to think I was spying on him yet again, so I took off into the sky to hover a safe distance overhead. I watched as Jason went into his mother's room, gently lifted her out of the chair, and placed her on her bed. Just as it should be. It was his place, not mine, to care for her now.

As he walked into his own room and hugged his wife, I flew off into the night. Alone.


	5. Unsteady Ground

_AN: I know it's been a while so we'll see if anyone has any interest in this story by posting an update! Given that the new Superman movie is underway, I know that I'm REALLY pushing it, but I would feel badly if I didn't get this stuff out of my head! So from here on out we're into some new territory that hasn't been explained in my timeline but that did happen. This is slightly after Richard's funeral. _

_Many thanks to Avi for the beta read and the reminder that Lois wasn't the only one hurt by Richard's death._

**Unsteady Ground**

"All eyes are turned toward upper Metropolis and the shocking collapse of the old Harrison Bridge. The collapse happened just hours ago and would have been devastating had it not been for the involvement of Superman. For more on this breaking story we go to Janice Jones who is on location at what used to be the entrance to the Harrison Bridge. Janice, we understand that you were on your way to work today and had just crossed the bridge when it began to collapse."

"Yes, Donna. I felt an unusual trembling in the car and glanced in my rear view mirror to see the bridge shaking. It was utter chaos as cars tried to get off the bridge before it fell. The bridge has been under repair for a few weeks now, but apparently it was too little, too late. From what witnesses saw, the collapse began on the east side of the bridge and gradually weakened the support system as it began to fall."

"We can see various teams of emergency crews behind you now, Janice. How many people were injured and were there any casualties?"

"The number of injuries is still being determined as victims are being taken to Met Gen. So far there are seven casualties in this devastating disaster."

"Our thoughts go out to the families of those victims. How quickly did Superman arrive on the scene?"

"Very quickly, Donna. Had it not been for his arrival, more lives would have been lost. He managed to stop many of the cars from falling by holding up a large, unbroken portion of the bridge. But there was another side of the bridge that did collapse as he was trying to save those on the east side. Donna, let's not forget that Superman has his own limits and can't be in two places at once. I've heard some rumblings around me that he didn't do enough here today. I want to stress as someone who just witnessed his efforts that he moved as quickly as he could without causing further damage or putting anyone else in danger."

"We understand that you were able to speak with the Man of Steeel himself."

"Yes, Donna, I did. It seems that the Hero in Blue was quite affected by this catastrophe, which is further proof of his devotion to our city."

The news report cut to a video segment of the pretty, young blonde reporter walking up to Superman, calling out to him, and thrusting a microphone under his chin.

"Superman! Do you have any comment about the damage done here today?" Janice said.

Superman turned in her direction, looking distressed and somewhat angered by the situation. "I do have a comment. The Harrison Bridge is not the oldest bridge in Metropolis, and yet we've just witnessed the devastation that can come from the neglect of this city's Department of Transportation. For several years now Mayor Campion has promised to fix bridge support systems and roads all around the city. Whatever efforts are currently in place are not enough. What happened here today is proof of that. I only hope that now the mayor will see just how important it is to the safety and well-being of the citizens of Metropolis to see that the DoT has the funding they need to make sure this never happens again."

The tape ended and the camera returned to the split screen of the blonde reporter out on the street and the anchor sitting in the studio.

"Wow, what a statement from Superman," the studio reporter said. "That sounded to me as if Superman was placing blame on Mayor Campion for neglect."

"It did sound that way, Donna, but keep in mind that the mayor's and DoT's approval of some of the road construction efforts around the city has been met with outrage and frustration from many commuters. So I don't think the mayor can take all the blame here."

"Have you spoken to the mayor for his response to Superman's comment?"

"I haven't had that opportunity yet. Mayor Campion has been busy overseeing the care of the victims and speaking to other city officials about how to best go forward from here."

"God damn, shit spitting, mother of a whore!"

Every head in the bull pen turned away from watching the news broadcast on WGBS toward the sound of Perry White's raging voice.

"KENT!"

"Yes, sir?" I said, clumsily pushing at my glasses.

"Have you heard from Lois at all?"

Puzzled at why he would think Lois would talk to me, I mumbled out a very weak, "Um, n-no, sir?"

"OLSON!"

Leaping up like an anxious puppy dog, Jimmy said, "Right here, Chief!"

"Get your ass down to the Harrison Bridge. If Superman shows up again, I want the best damn photo you've ever taken!" Jimmy was already heading out the door when Perry added, "And try to keep that woman out of the shot!"

There was obviously something wrong here – something that had to do with Superman. And something I hadn't caught on to yet. Hoping for clarity I said, "Uh, Mr. White?" But I was ignored.

"SAUNDERS!"

A very young, wide eyed blonde woman rose from her desk in the far corner.

"Put on your shortest skirt. You're on roof top duty until I can get Lois back in here."

Shortest skirt?

Turning slightly, Perry addressed the entire bull pen. "Since day one The Daily Planet has been the number one source for all things Superman. We are not going to lose him to some new bimbo reporter just because he doesn't have a go-to-girl here at the paper anymore. Get on top of this! All of you! If Superman wants to talk about necessary changes for the city, then come Hell or high water, we are going to give him a platform to discuss whatever the hell his alien mind wants to dish out! And keep Saunders in the loop!"

With an angry twist, Perry headed back into his office where he quickly picked up the phone. I was still completely baffled by the entire outburst.

"You don't see that every day," Max Harper said next to me. Max had been working at the Planet for about ten years now. He was pretty quiet as far as reporters went. People had compared him to me when he was first hired. Lois had often commented that a reporter, no matter how good they were, would never get far without making some noise. Which is why I always managed to stir up some trouble every now and again in my real-life job. Being mild-mannered didn't mean boring.

"What's that?" I asked in response.

"Perry White running scared."

That didn't clarify anything. "Scared of what?"

"Of losing Superman." Max gestured to the TV scene where the clip of Superman talking to the reporters was being played again. "Can't blame him, though. That Janice Jones – she is a hot cookie right now! Which is why you can't blame Superman for being interested, either."

Hot cookie? Was Max suggesting what I thought he was suggesting?

"KENT!" Perry yelled from the door of his office. "Get in here!"

Max shrugged at me and returned to his desk as I responded to the chief's order.

"Mr. White," I started, closing his office door behind me, "I'm a little perplexed."

"What's to be perplexed about? The big blue Boy Scout hasn't done much talking lately. It's been years since Lois has had a real exclusive. Now she's off finding herself while Superman is finding someone else to talk to."

"Lois isn't finding herself, Chief. She took time off because her husband died."

Perry scowled at me. "I'm very much aware of that fact given that Richard was my nephew. But he was a damn good reporter and he wouldn't want me to sit by and let a great story slip away just because I was mourning. Neither would Lois for that matter. Especially considering this is Superman scandal we're talking about!"

Feeling a little defensive, I added, "There isn't anything scandalous going on, Chief. Superman just made a comment about the situation today to some reporter who was there."

"A reporter who has been scoring some of the best interviews imaginable. A reporter who also happens to be female. A young, beautiful female. A tenacious reporter. Sound like anyone you know?"

"You mean… Lois?"

"That's exactly what I mean. Now, you and Lois have had your differences as of late, but you were partners for a hell of a long time. You've got to know something about how to get in contact with Superman."

I blinked. "Mr. White, I don't see what the problem is."

"Great Caesars' ghost, Kent! Superman just gave his first exclusive in a few years to some blonde bombshell that doesn't work for me and you don't see a problem? I want him talking to someone over here, and until I can get Lois back to work, you're going to help me find our resident alien so that we can get a comment!"

"But I don't think that Superman—"

"I didn't ask you what you thought! Unless your name is Superman, your opinion on this matter doesn't do me much good! All I want from you is to go through any and all contacts or possibilities that you remember from your days working with Lois on the best way to get Superman in here talking to us."

I swallowed and stared up at his reddening face.

"What are you waiting for? Go!"

I hurried out of his office completely taken aback by what I had heard. He couldn't honestly think that the comment I gave to that young woman was anything but a simple comment! And given what Max had said earlier and the fact that the girl named Saunders was currently being redressed and fussed over by some other women suggested that the entire staff of the Daily Planet believed exactly what Perry believed: that I spoke to that reporter because I was attracted to her.

My stomach made an uncommon lurch.

I sank down into my chair and simply sat there staring at the screen saver on my computer monitor thinking how this could have happened. _Why_ this had happened? It was beyond belief that everyone would jump to such an illogical conclusion.

It had to be that this was The Daily Planet and that Perry was very right in saying Superman hadn't given the paper an exclusive for a long time. That had to be what the underlying cause of all the commotion was. Reporters want to please the editor. And pleasing the editor meant following his thought process and doing what he told you to do. At least, that's what I was willing to believe for now. These were intelligent reporters. They wouldn't just jump to such a ludicrous assumption.

The Saunders woman and her posse of primpers scurried past my desk. Her tight, barely there skirt had a slit that invited more than a casual glance and her too low cut blouse made X-ray vision unnecessary. "Now when he shows up," one of the other women was saying, "be sure to stand with your shoulders back. It will emphasize your best assets."

Apparently, I was wrong.

Perry came out a few minutes later. I started clicking through random files on my computer in an attempt to look as if I were trying to follow through on his demand to find Superman, which obviously I wasn't. No matter what everyone thought, I wasn't going to go up to Saunders on the roof – or any woman who might be poised on a roof – unless she was in danger of falling. I wouldn't feed into this outrageous belief.

That decision grew harder and harder to stand by as the day drew on. With a fire, a shooting, and a cave in at random places around the country, Superman couldn't very well stay out of the news. Even worse, as the rubble from the bridge was moved away, one more victim was found. Poor Saunders was briefed at every instance and told to stay up on the roof. As long as Superman was out and about, she was to stay where he could access her easily. It really was quite ridiculous. Luckily, by 5:00, when it was pretty clear Superman wasn't going to talk to her, or any other reporter, Perry allowed the poor girl to go. I would have apologized to her, but what would be the point?

Perry sent me down to City Hall where the mayor was making an official statement about the day's events. Before I left the building, he once again pressed me for any information about contacting Superman. I could only shrug and explain that to my knowledge, Superman always contacted Lois, not the other way around. That only made Perry more upset.

When I arrived at City Hall, the tension in the area was palpable. The city hadn't had anything this devastating happed to it since Lex Luthor decided to try and grow his own island out of kryptonite. But that was the fault of a heinous villain, while this seemed to be the fault of our own city workers, some of which we voted into office.

The mayor stepped out looking none too pleased and addressed the crowd.

"Citizens of Metropolis. A devastating catastrophe has occurred in our city today. Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of the victims. Words cannot express the sadness we feel over the loss of those eight lives. Words have been uttered today placing the blame for this disaster on the shoulders of The Department of Transportation as well as my own for not spending more money on their improvement. It is true that our roads, and specifically our bridges, need work. I would like to remind the citizens that the DoT has been working round the clock to make sure roads are fixed. I would remind you all – especially our resident Kryptonian who doesn't pay taxes – that millions of tax payer dollars have been spent on the various road projects around the city. And I would remind you all that the necessary closing of busy roads has been met with much frustration and outrage. Just one month ago, the Harrison Bridge was closed while crews worked on the support system, which meant thousands of commuters were rerouted to the Metropolis Bridge or through the New Troy Tunnel, causing major traffic jams and many accidents. The DoT did all they could, at the insistence of the people, to reopen the bridge as soon as possible. We are focusing all of our attention to the investigation that will be conducted into the reasons behind the collapse. However, in the meantime, I would hope that everyone consider how much praise the DoT was given for returning the daily commute to near normalcy. And before you point the blame, consider that every action begets a reaction. Blame should not be placed on one individual or institution for this disaster."

A sea of arms shot into the air and a chorus of voices called out to the mayor with questions, but he didn't respond to any of them. He simply stacked up his notes and left the room, escorted by his staff and aids. It was curious that he wouldn't take questions, but then Campion had never been too friendly. It baffled me how the man managed to get elected in the first place. And his dig at Superman did not go unnoticed.

I was contemplating a response when Janice Jones brushed past me. Her team was in a frenzy as they hurried to set up the perfect shot for her to give commentary on the Mayor's statement. It only took them a few short seconds and Jones was speaking into the camera about the tense situation.

My cell phone went off, pulling me away from listening in on Jones.

"Clark Kent."

"Kent! I need you to find an angle on that piece of crap statement Campion just gave that will sit as our headline tomorrow. Pull out all the stops and drive home the slice he took at Superman. If we don't have a follow up from Superman himself, I need you to spin it as if we will!"

"But Chief—"

"No but, Kent! Just get it done!"

The line went dead just as I heard Janice Jones say, "…been no sign of Superman, although this reporter is certain he heard every word Mayor Campion had to say tonight."

She made no assumption that Superman would speak to her directly. She made no mention that Superman had even spoken to her at all. Given the hype Perry and everyone at the Planet were making over the situation, I was pleasantly relieved that she didn't seem to think anything of the comment from earlier that morning.

It was for that reason that I waited and watched as she packed up her things and headed off to her apartment for the evening. I had to talk to somebody about all of this. It only seemed logical that I go right to the other person involved in this mess and nip it in the bud before it really got out of hand.

Given that she lived in Bakerline, privacy would be difficult to come by. I didn't think it would be wise to draw too much attention, and Superman standing out in the street talking to a reporter was sure to draw attention. There was a relatively quiet alley way behind her apartment where I figured we would be able to talk without being seen. As she approached the alley, I called out to her.

"Who's there?" she said anxiously.

"It's just me," I said, stepping out just enough that she could recognize me. "If you don't mind, I'd like to have a word with you."

Her eyes went wide. "Mind? No. Just let me get my recorder…"

"Off the record, please," I said.

"Oh. Okay." She looked at me curiously. "Is this about what the Mayor said?"

"Partially. But it's more about what I said to you this morning."

"Okay." She took a step closer to me.

"I just wanted to make it clear that I spoke to you as a reporter and only as a reporter. There was no other motivation behind our conversation at all."

"Motivation?"

"It seems that some people are under the impression that there was a specific reason I spoke to you."

"Wasn't there?" she smiled. "Because I figured you spoke to me since I was nearly one of the victims."

I sighed, glad that she had the same understanding that I had. "Exactly. Thank you."

She crossed her arms. "What other motivation would you have?"

"Forget I mentioned it. It doesn't matter." Because I didn't see the point in dwelling on it if it made no difference to her.

"Well… did you at least hear the Mayor's speech?"

"Oh, I heard it. And he's sorely mistaken if he thinks he can pass the blame for this on to the citizens of Metropolis. It's the elected leaders and workers of the city who are responsible for the safety and well-being of those they serve. I find it offensive to the people who lost their lives."

She nodded in agreement. "He took a swipe at you, too."

"Yes, and he's not the first elected official to suggest that I don't pay taxes."

"Suggest? Does that mean that you do?"

I paused and looked deeply into her eyes. She was scheming. I could tell. "Ms. Jones, this is starting to sound unwantedly like an interview."

She quirked an elegant eye brow. "You're the one who wanted to talk."

"Indeed. And now I'm saying good-bye."

I rose up into the air and flew away before she could ask another question. But the damage had been done. I knew before my feet had even left the ground that I had made a mistake. And when I heard the leading story on WGBS the next morning about Superman's after hours visit with Ms. Jones, I knew there would be hell to pay.


	6. For the Record

_AN: Is anyone still interested in this? Believe it or not, I've had most of this written for about 6 months now. Then I've spent the last two months working on it at work when my students weren't watching. I figured I couldn't leave the fic where it was, so I had to at LEAST get this posted for my own sanity. I have more idea for this middle or the road fic, but I'm not sure if I will get to them. I have another bunny, believe it or not, that I'd like to post and see if there are any takers. But given that Superman Returns is pretty dead, I don't know how interested readers will be in this any longer. _

_Anyway, because of how long I've been away from fan fiction, I don't have a beta reader. I read over this several times, but I'm certain I missed typos. If you find one, gently let me know in your review and I'll try to get it fixed!_

_And hey, thanks for all the Superman love over the years folks. We seriously need to get together for the new film!_

**For the Record**

The footage was on every channel. Still shots from the recording were in every paper. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Janice Jones detailed our conversation out to the media almost word for word. So much for being off the record. _My Mightnight Rondevous with Superman_ was all anyone could talk about.

Questions were piling up higher and higher. Why had Superman met with _this_ reporter? Why had he done it after hours? Why did he ask for it to be off the record? But the most potentially damaging question of all had to do with the taxes. I should never have said anything about the taxes, because now reporters everywhere were speculating on the idea that Superman may just pass as a normal man who lives in Metropolis and pays taxes like everyone else. Not good. Not good at all.

Trying not to draw attention to myself, I stayed at my desk with my head bowed over my key board and just listened to the various conversations around me. I listened to an angry voice mail message from Jason telling me to fix things as quickly as possible. I heard chatter from other reporters hypothesizing on Superman's motives. Red faced and more ill tempered than usual, Perry stormed around the bull pen spouting off frantic instructions, some of which made absolutely no sense. I ignored most of it until he said something about Lois. Any mention of Lois would naturally catch my attention, but this was very specific.

"When she gets here, I want everyone to just leave her alone to do whatever it is that she needs to do," Perry said.

I turned to look at him, not sure I had understood him correctly. Lois was coming into work? She was at her sister's house. Wasn't she?

"I don't care if she is parked on the roof for the next week, no one bothers her! Are we clear?" Perry pointed a finger at everyone who was looking at him, including me. "KENT!"

I stood up. "Mr. White? Did you say Lois was coming in?"

"That's exactly what I said," he growled, "'cause I'll be damned if I'm going to let some young floozy take Lois' place as Superman's go-to source."

I frowned. "But Lois needs time off. She's mourning and you can't ask her to –"

"I didn't ask her, Kent. She called in about an hour ago saying she was heading back."

Which meant Lois had seen everything. And was probably upset.

I don't know why I believed that she wouldn't know about any of this. She watched the news religiously. She knew how I worked as Superman. She had to know that all the gossip surrounding this issue was pointless. But if she was upset enough to come back early from her time off, then it meant she was buying into the gossip the same way Perry was. I was ready for the full force of her anger. I'd faced it before. However, if there is one thing to expect from Lois it's that she will do the unexpected. That's what makes her Lois.

Her calm demeanor took us all be surprise when she arrived that afternoon. She breezed in with her lap top bag and a cup of coffee in hand looking as if it was just another typical day.

"Good to have you back, Ms. Lane," Jimmy said.

"Yeah, I just wish it were under better circumstances, Jimmy," she said.

"LOIS!" Perry's voice boomed. "I know this was the last place you planned to be this week, but darling, I sure am glad to see you!"

"Thanks, Perry. Just let me log into the system and I'll…" she shook her head. "I guess I'll camp out on the roof like you suggested." Her gaze never even came close to wandering in my direction.

"Good. The first thing we need to do is reestablish the fact that if Superman is going to give an exclusive, it's going to come to Lois Lane at the Daily Planet."

Lois, now typing away at her computer, rolled her eyes.

"Once that's settled," Perry continued, "you need to get the man in blue talking about this tax situation."

"Nope," Lois said. "I'm not here to talk taxes."

Perry rounded on her. "That's the scandal, Lois. Well, that and the idea that Superman and this Jones woman are having an affair. Sex and money – those are the two things that sell papers. How many times have I—"

Lois cut him off. "The whole taxes thing is old news. I'm not digging it up again now just because other people have forgotten about it."

"Old news?"

Lois sighed and leaned back in her chair to look up at Perry. "Superman has been here for the last 20 years… minus the five years he went missing…" She ground out the last bit through her teeth. "Most of his work, his minor work, is around Metropolis. Sure he does what is needed around the world, but he's usually doing local things, right? Getting cats out of tress. Helping old lady cross the street. Boy Scout stuff. I think it's pretty obvious that he lives somewhere near here. He has to eat and sleep somewhere. Have we ever heard of Superman going grocery shopping? Or eating in a restaurant? I certainly haven't. So chances are that he does these things in normal clothes. As a normal person."

"Exactly!" Perry pointed a finger at her, driving home his point. "We've speculated about his real identity for years. This idea about the taxes is going to make him own up to it."

"Give me a break, Perry," Lois slumped. "The man stands for truth and justice. If there is one thing I'm certain of, it's that he pays taxes. I bet he pays more than he needs to because he probably thinks it's dishonest to claim things like take-out food or clothing as a job expense."

"Clothing?"

"Somebody had to make that suit he wears. Unless sewing is a superpower we've never heard about."

My heart hammered in my chest through the whole conversation. I'd never heard Lois talk so openly or candidly about whom I might be and how I am able to live my life. Yet everything she said had a valid point.

Perry just grimaced. "So, you're not going to ask him about the taxes?"

"Nope. But I will talk to him about his suspicions about the mayor and the possible conspiracy between the mayor's office, DOT, and the construction companies currently working on the transportation around the city. "

"Conspiracy? Where the hell did you get an idea like that?"

"It's called research, Perry," Lois countered.

"Trust me. No one gives a damn about any conspiracy right now."

"It's the money side of the story you've been looking for," Lois offered.

"And the sex? Will you confront him about having an affair with this reporter?"

"What Superman does in his bedroom is not my business."

My jaw dropped, and it was all I could do to stay in my chair and keep quiet.

Perry, however, made his opinion known. "Lois, honey, I think you missed the memo that Superman's love life _is_ your business. You made it your business when you announced to the world that you spent the night with him."

Lois frowned, "That was twenty-five years ago."

"Which is why you need to settle the idea that he's moved on to greener pastures."

She huffed and grabbed her purse. "Fine. I'll do what I can."

It wasn't until she was in the elevator and the doors were closing that her eyes met mine. The look was brief, but the message was clear; I'd messed up again.

I waited a very long thirty seconds before leaving my desk and heading for the elevator on the other side of the bull pen. No one paid any attention to me, so at least that much had gone well. When I made it to the roof, Lois was already leaning casually against the wall ledge, her arms folded and her lips pursed. The long look she gave me wasn't friendly or welcoming.

I swallowed hard. "Lois, I know what this looks like—"

She held up a hand to silence me. I obliged. Another strenuous minute or two of silence passed.

I shook my head slightly and quietly offered, "I'm sorry."

She quirked an eyebrow in response.

"You honestly can't believe that I would—"

"Have an affair with a beautiful, young reporter?"

I shook my head again, "I would never—"

"But you did."

"No, it was just—"

"You did. With me. Or have you forgotten that? I know _I _don't remember it – well, I don't remember the actual affair, but I do remember the private meetings, the off the record flirty comments. _You_, though… I was certain you remembered the actual affair part."

I simply gaped at her.

"I'm not surprised by the situation, just by the fact that you picked someone so untested… so distrust worthy."

I managed to get past the lump in my throat and defend myself. "Lois, nothing happened."

"Looks like something did."

"How could you even think that?"

She stood up strait, her face contorting in the tell-tale sign that her anger was about to be unleashed. "How could I _not_? You did the exact same thing with me!"

"It's _not_ the same thing!"

"How is this different, then? You rescue a young, up and coming news reporter from a crisis situation and then arrange to have a private meeting at her place a few days later. Sounds very familiar to me."

Now I was getting angry. Lois might not like me very much, but I had always been clear that my feelings for her had never changed. And she knew it. She had used it against me many times over the years. "You honestly think I have feelings for _Janice Jones_?" I spat the name out.

"Why not? She's young—"

"She's youn_ger_ than Jason!"

"Men date younger women all the time, Clark."

"Maybe if she was three or four years younger, but not twenty years younger!"

"She's beautiful," Lois said.

"She blond," I said, rolling my eyes.

"You have a thing against blonds?"

"Nothing personal, but I have never in my life been attracted to a blond woman. I like…"

I stopped myself. But Lois pressed for more. "You like?"

For some unknown reason, I decided to lay it all out there in the open. "Brunettes. Specifically brown, wavy hair that frames a heart shaped face with deep, brown eyes. And she needs to be close to my age. That's my type."

Unfortunately, my attempt at calming Lois' fury backfired. Softly, but bitingly she said, "Don't. Don't even try to smooth talk your way out of this one."

"If you are going to be angry with me, then let it be for the right reason."

She laughed darkly and tossed her hair. "Which is?"

"For being so naive that I put my trust in someone I didn't know very well. For thinking that this person would have the same integrity that you had when we first met."

"As opposed to the lack of integrity that I have now?"

I literally growled at her. "Lois, you know what I mean! Why do you have to make this so difficult?"

"I didn't do this, Clark! You did! I didn't repeat history by seeking the attention of some young girl!"

"It isn't a repeat of history! That's what I'm trying to explain. I only spoke to her last night because I wanted to make it clear that my involvement with her _wasn't_ what the media hyped it up to be. I answered her questions because she was involved in a terrible event. That was the extent of our relationship, if you can even call it that! I wanted to make sure she was clear about that."

Lois popped a hip. "And you felt that the best way to make that clear was to meet at her house after hours?"

I exhaled slowly, closing my eyes and calming myself down before I said something that I would regret. "I can't change it, Lois. What's done is done."

"No, you can't. But you have to fix this. You can't leave it where it is." It was, in my opinion, the first rational thing she said.

"I agree. I just don't know what I can do."

"You can stay away from Janice Jones, for starters," Lois said bitterly.

"Obviously," I said. "What else?"

She sighed, "I think the best thing to do is to draw focus back to the real story about the construction companies, DOT, and the involvement, or lack thereof, of the mayor's office."

"Agreed. There's something going on there that someone doesn't want the public to know about. In fact I…"

She tilted her head at me. "You what?"

I shrugged, "I wonder if the whole situation with Miss Jones has been pit up as a cover for the real story."

Lois bit at her lip. "Could be. Superman starts drawing attention to the problem with DOT so someone in the mayor's office gets the media to hype up this relationship between Superman and Jones." She hummed thoughtfully. "I like it, but it means that Jones is involved."

"You think so?"

"Maybe she wasn't at first, but she is now." Lois eyed me skeptically. "You did ask her to speak off the record, right?"

"Absolutely."

"Which she clearly ignored." Lois began to pace as she spoke. "Still, no one is slamming her for going against her word and writing a tell all. Like you said, it compromises her integrity as a reporter you can trust. Her name isn't that well established yet. By revealing the conversation she had with Superman, she is very publically demonstrating that whatever is said to her off the record in the future might just end up as a headline."

"It's bad business. Why would she do that?"

She looked off in the distance over the roof tops. "I'm not sure. Money makes the most sense. If there is a connection to the mayor, maybe she was offered a position or an exclusive. Or maybe she wants the notoriety of being Superman's girl."

"She's not my girl," I groaned.

"She could be, though."

"Well, I don't want _her_."

Lois turned then and looked at me with wide eyes. Moments passed where we said nothing verbally, yet our eyes spoke volumes.

Lois broke the stare and turned away from me again. "Whatever happens, I think Superman needs to stay out of it for a while. You though, and I mean _Clark_," she pointed at me, "can help me figure out what going on with DOT."

"The public will still talk. They will still speculate about me and Miss Jones."

She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. "Yes, they will. There will be speculation about you and Miss Jones for the rest of your life, Clark. I mean, look at us. People still speculate about us, right?"

I leaned against the same wall. "True, except that I don't mind when people speculate about us."

She looked over at me. "You don't?"

"No, why would I?"

She frowned, "Because it makes us look like floozies who will do anything for a good story."

"I always thought it just made us look like we were in love." I heard her heart flutter and her breathing change, but I knew better than to acknowledge it for anything other than her anger taking root again. So I said, "But then that's probably my naivety coming out again." I pushed off the wall and took a few steps away from her. "So, you think Superman should just stay out of it for a while?"

"I do," she said softly. "Once you give me a quote."

"A quote?"

"I can't leave this roof top without something printable. Even if it's just to say that Superman is taking some time off for a while."

That's when I knew what I had to do. It came to me so clearly that I felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. "Lois, you will have one heck of a quote. The best. The most exclusive. I promise."

"Okay. Good." She paused and looked at me expectantly. "Let's have it."

I shook my head. "I need you to go back to the bull pen."

She frowned. "I can't."

"But I need you to."

"Perry will pitch a fit!"

"Just tell Perry—"

"He won't listen!"

I huffed and removed my glasses, slipping them into the pocket of my shirt. "Tell Perry you don't think a private conversation is what Superman is looking for right now." I looked directly into her eyes. "Tell him that if Superman wants to talk, he knows where to find you and that you have other things you can work on while you wait."

Mouth hanging slightly open, Lois blinked up at me. She blinked again. Slowly. As if she was dazed. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Never mind. I'll go inside, but trust me when I say that the shit will hit the fan if I don't have a quote in the next twenty-four hours!" She headed back inside but turned to me before reaching the door. "Are you coming in?"

"No, I have um…" I pointed to the sky.

She rolled her eyes. "Sure." As the door was closing behind her she said, "Twenty-four hours!"

I smiled, hoping that my plan would please her. I hadn't been able to please her very much lately, especially if it was something I chose to do on my own rather than clearing it with her first. So this was a real risk, but it had to be done.

I waited about a half an hour, taking my time to fly around the city and clear my head a bit. I worked out what I wanted to say and how I should say it. This would be one of the most important statements Superman would ever say, yet it had to appear somewhat casual. And I had to be careful not to give away too many details on my personal life. Or Lois', for that matter.

When I felt enough time had passed, I headed back toward the roof of the Daily Planet and entered the building. I used the stairs to reach the floor of the bull pen and walked right up to the first desk I came to. The reporter's name was Carver, but I wasn't supposed to know that.

"Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where Miss Lane might be?"

Carver's eyes slowly traveled up to meet mine. The stunned look on his face was echoed on several faces around the room as one by one the reporters took note of who had entered the room. Carver stammered something and pointed to his right, never taking his eyes off of me. 

"Thank you," I said, and headed further into the room.

One after another the reporters stopped and turned to look at me. Mouths were agape. Eyes were wide. No one knew what was going on or really what to say. Lois' was talking to Perry and had her back to me. As I approached and Perry's jaw fell open, Lois popped a hip and said, "Perry? Did you hear me? Hello?"

"Hello," I responded.

Lois snapped around and very nearly dropped the papers in her hand. She stared up at me for a moment, not quite believing what she was seeing. After all, Superman had never made a visit like this. The very idea of Superman standing in the middle of the bull pen obviously left Lois and the rest of the staff at the Daily Planet completely speechless.

"I'm sorry to bother you at work like this. I felt, given the recent misunderstandings, that I should talk to you publicly so that no one can accuse you of trying to cover the truth."

I waited a moment for Lois to respond. All I got was a stunned face and a small, "Er," sound from her.

"Miss Lane, I am terribly sorry for the loss you have suffered recently. You too, Mr. White." I glanced back at Perry before settling my gaze fully on Lois. "I know things must be difficult for you and I didn't mean to add any stress to the situation. When I spoke to Miss Jones I believed that my intentions and statements would be presented truthfully. It's something I've come to expect from the many times I've spoken to _you_, Miss Lane. I was wrong in assuming that every reporter held to your high standards. Believe me when I say that there is no sort of scandalous relationship between Miss Jones and myself. And I apologize for the fact that this has put you in an awkward situation, Miss Lane, because of our long standing friendship."

Again I focused on Perry. "Mr. White, if I heard Miss Lane correctly as I came in, she wants to investigate the mayor's office. I believe this is the correct instinct. I feel that my comment about the department of transportation and the lack of effort from the mayor may have hit a nerve which led to them using my conversation with Miss Jones as a distraction. For as long as I have known her, Miss Lane has had the best instincts which usually lead to outstanding results."

I looked back down at Lois who was still standing nearly frozen in place from her shock. "If there is anything that I can do to help aid your investigation, please let me know. I hope that this situation hasn't done any permanent damage to the working relationship and friendship that we've built over the years."

I held on to her gaze probably a little longer than was appropriate. I hoped she understood what I, Clark Kent, was trying to say to her through Superman's words. Her expression was difficult to read though. I knew she was surprised, but I was hoping to see relief or at least some kind of smile. Instead she licked at her lips and swallowed hard a few times, staring up at me in a mixture of confusion and amazement.

"Well, if you'll excuse me then," I said as casually as I could manage. I needed to leave before I said something more that would give away details that shouldn't be given away. "Mr. White, would you mind if I just…" I signaled to the window.

"No! Yes! I mean, go ahead. Whatever you need, son," he stammered.

With one final look and a smile back at Lois, I exited out the window. In no time at all, I circled the building and walked back into the bull pen, this time in my usuall three piece suit, without anyone taking notice of me. All eyes were still on the window. Everyone was silent. I'd never known the bull pen to be so still.

"Golly," I said softly. "You don't see that every day." Several people, including Lois, turned to look at me. Which was what I wanted them to do. They needed to see Clark and Superman in the same place. Sort of.

A heartbeat later Perry was barking orders. "Don't just stand there! This is the story to beat all stories! Thompson, I want you looking into Janice Jones' history with the mayor. Find a connection. O'Riley, do some back checking on anything Superman might have said in the past to other reporters that has been twisted around – especially if it pertains to the mayor! Kent, dig up whatever you can find on the DOT and the mayor."

"But Chief—" Lois started, snapping out of the daze she had been in.

"And Lois, I need a write up on Superman's appearance here. I want the fact that Superman visited the Daly Planet to be our headline tomorrow, so get cracking! Once that's finished, Lois, you're with Kent for the rest of it."

The activity level jumped from zero to one hundred percent in moments. Not only was everyone busy, but every conversation had something to do with what had just happened. I smiled and laughed a little to myself before heading towards my desk. I was stopped short by Lois' gentle hand on my arm.

"Clark… I…"

I looked deeply into her eyes, understanding the gratitude I saw there. "You heard Perry. We have work to do, Lois."

"But Clark… I…"

I placed my hand over hers. "No buts. Okay?" I smiled and gave a nod.

As I turned away, I felt her hand squeeze at my arm. "Hey. Wait a sec." She stepped in to me, drawing her body very close to mine.

"Lois…"

"Thank you," she said softly. And before anyone could notice how close we had moved together, she was walking away, heading over to her desk where she would spend the rest of the day writing. As it should be.


End file.
